I feel sooo stressed at the moment! I really don't care if know one ever reads this, but i've got to put it somewhere.
Tomorrow i have a maths exam, a agricultural excursion out to a farm (would be good if the owner wasn't by dads EX best mate(they had an argument a few weeks ago)), ohh i mustn't forget school photos (i hate photos!), the usual guy problems(LOL).... i mustn't forget the Banjo situation!!! and that ain't all, but i think you get the point... lol.
I doubt if i'll pass tomorrows exam, - i'm totally stressed out(and confused, lost, not with it)! I can't even think straight. This morning i spent 10 minutes looking for my wallet and it was sitting right in front of me, and that was after i had a coffee!!!!! If it wasn't for my brother i'm sure i would have missed the bus everyday this week. lol.
Banjo haven't spent any time with Banjo this week. I've lost all hope in riding him, i know told Ann was going to do level 1 with him, but now i see no point. I'm almost crying writing this, but i can't go on lying to myself anymore! I'm on the verge of giving up, i can't stand it anymore! I say i'm going to ride to but when i actually get there i'm scared. I know people say to just get over it, but i spent 6 months terrified before i gave up the first time 3 years ago. Now i'm about to give up for the 3rd time. I hate giving up, but i'm running out of options.
I feel so lost, i don't know what to do anymore. I feel numb and empty.
Lily.
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Hi Lily,
ReplyDeleteyou certainly had a busy and stressful week. Exams used to be my biggest worry when I was at school. For some reason my brain just turned to mush, yet I always passed. I am sure you will surprise yourself as well and get through the exam, and the farm visit. Remember he had the argument with your dad not with you.
Don't worry about not having spent time with Banjo this week. I bet he enjoyed the time off, plus he would have seen you bringing him feed, and that is spending time with him, even if it is for just a few minutes. Horses are very forgiving and don't hold a grutch at all. I found leaving Stubby alone for a while, not spending too much time with him, helps him 'digest' what he has learned, and things are better the next time around. Banjo will be happy even if all you can do for the moment is giving him his feed, a quick brush, a carrot and or telling him your worries. Horses have a way of making you feel better once you told them your worries.
Don't get stressed about not riding Banjo even though you told Ann you would. The important part about Quantum Savvy is to follow the programme as it is laid out and riding comes half way through Level 1, once you passed the challenges. By then you can't wait to get onto Banjo. You will be riding when you are ready for it. :D That's what I did. After some bad falls off Stubby I was pretty scared to hop back on, but going through the programme I was getting really excited to start riding again and couldn't wait to start my Lesson 3 and 4 homework.
You can do it Lily. Give yourself time and don't pressure yourself about the riding, just spending time with Banjo in the paddock will help you move forward in your partnership and build Rapport with him. You may even find that he will start moving forward for you as he gets to know you better.
I am not sure if you have been on the forum. You will find loads of support there. You are not alone with your worries re riding, and the influence regular life has on our ability to spend time with our horses. Don't give up. Give it the time it takes and enjoy just being with Banjo and building the relationship with him you dream of. You CAN do it :D. Ann, I and the whole of the QS family are here to support you.
Stubby (Petra)