Fearful!!!

I've now realized that Banjo's run in with the fence has made him fearful of everything!!! I can't brush him without him moving, if it goes out of his eye sight he will back up or do what ever it takes to see it. I can barely pat him now, without him going crazy. All the work we've done together has completely gone, it's like we're back to square one! Just as i thought we were making progress. Looks like we have to start from scratch, again.

Lily n My Crazy Banjo.

UPDATE on Banjo

My poor boy is slightly limbing now. And i've discovered some more battle wounds, there right across his stomach. How he got done there is still a mystery!!

Well at least my weekend has been eventful, lol. It's actually been terrible, it all started Saturday morning. First the orphaned calf died, then the Banjo incident, and today me hurting my knee as i got thrown into the swimming pool. Oh and did i mention the English assignment due tomorrow. Yes i've had a busy weekend.

Lily.

Where did he go???

Dad came back from town and went straight over to the yards to check on the cattle, well the cattle were fine, but Banjo wasn't. He came back over to the house and asked me where was Banjo. And i told him i left him in the yards. He said well he ain't there now! At that point i started freaking out, i had been in the house all morning studying and i hadn't heard a thing!

I went over and had a look, the fence was fine, and the gates were all shut. And none of the hay in the shed was eaten. We went for a drive down the lane way and couldn't see him. So we went around the edge of our property, along the road. And we finally found him, he was about a km or more from his yard.

He broke 3 wires out of 4, on the gate he ran through. He has a few cuts, and he isn't lame so i guess thats a good thing. This is the second accident in 3 months, maybe I'm cursed!

It was a long walk home, it seemed like forever with no socks on!!!!!!!! ARGH, 2 blisters!!!!

Just wanted to post it before i forgot and also so i didn't have to go and study some more! But now i should get back to it.

Lily.

I ACTUALLY DID IT!!!!

WOW, I'M STILL I SHOCK..... I THINK.

I saddled Banjo again today, and i got on him!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Dad led me around, nothing fancy but we were moving!

YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!

I wasn't nervous at all, but i didn't feel to safe. It seemed like nothing changed, he was back to his old self again. He kept trying to bite Dad when he was leading him, and he bit me when i was leading about to let him go (it hurt!!!!). I checked all his gear and everything, it was all fine.

I know i keep saying i'm going to sell him and then i say i'm not. Well this time is different, he has changed on the ground, but not in the saddle. So i am going to sell him, and this time i'm not going back. I want to ride so much, but Banjo is holding me back. I still love him and i always will, but at this moment in time he isn't for me.

Lily.

I DID IT, I DID IT! ! ! ! ! !

First of all i would like to say thanks to Petra and Ann for the wonderful comments. Thanks so much i really appreciate every thing you say.

I SADDLED BANJO!!!!!

It may not seem like much, but considering he hasn't seen the tack for a year now and hasn't been ridden longer then that, he was pretty good. I made sure i watched how he reacted to everything, i also noticed he was calmer on his 'off' side, it's like he knows every time something happens on his left side he gets ridden or something. I had to get Dad to help when i showed him the saddle. It was hard for me to explain to Dad what i wanted him to do, normally he would have just thrown the saddle on, but now i do things a different way and i think he is slowly accepting (learning) it. I just saddled him, i hadn't thought any further then that, but i think i really wanted to ride.

Hopefully, if it isn't as windy and i have time, then i'll saddled him again, and who knows what will happen...........

Lily.

Frustrated

I went to play with Banjo this afternoon, i only worked on the usual stuff, nothing new. Then i got a bit bored, so i tried to no contact yield him backwards(i've tried forwards, but failed miserably), and this time was no different. I got pretty frustrated,(sorry boy!).

Also someone is still interested in Banjo, i don't want to reply to her, because at the moment i don't think i'm in the right head space, because i want to tell her to come out and have a look at him. But deep down i don't want too.

Lily.

Ummmmmmmmm...............

Ok,now.....

This just a short post.

Sorry for yesterdays emotional post.

I want to do level 1 with Banjo, but i feel like it's to hard to do, at the moment anyway. I don't want to/can't sell him, but i feel as if i have to if i want to get another horse, something a bit less... challenging.

I'm sick of using the word but!!!!!!!!!!

Lily.

Stressed Out.....

I feel sooo stressed at the moment! I really don't care if know one ever reads this, but i've got to put it somewhere.

Tomorrow i have a maths exam, a agricultural excursion out to a farm (would be good if the owner wasn't by dads EX best mate(they had an argument a few weeks ago)), ohh i mustn't forget school photos (i hate photos!), the usual guy problems(LOL).... i mustn't forget the Banjo situation!!! and that ain't all, but i think you get the point... lol.

I doubt if i'll pass tomorrows exam, - i'm totally stressed out(and confused, lost, not with it)! I can't even think straight. This morning i spent 10 minutes looking for my wallet and it was sitting right in front of me, and that was after i had a coffee!!!!! If it wasn't for my brother i'm sure i would have missed the bus everyday this week. lol.

Banjo haven't spent any time with Banjo this week. I've lost all hope in riding him, i know told Ann was going to do level 1 with him, but now i see no point. I'm almost crying writing this, but i can't go on lying to myself anymore! I'm on the verge of giving up, i can't stand it anymore! I say i'm going to ride to but when i actually get there i'm scared. I know people say to just get over it, but i spent 6 months terrified before i gave up the first time 3 years ago. Now i'm about to give up for the 3rd time. I hate giving up, but i'm running out of options.

I feel so lost, i don't know what to do anymore. I feel numb and empty.

Lily.

Thinking way to much...

I've been thinking, what if i actually sell Banjo. Then maybe i could be riding by the end of the year.. Please tell me what you think. Should i keep him or sell him??

Lily.

Bad News, Good News... Which First??

Ok, i'll start with the bad, because that's the oldest. Well as i said in a post before, i mentioned about selling Banjo..... Well, when i was having a really bad time with Banjo i was on the verge of selling him. I talked to my old pony club instructor to see if she knew anyone who was looking for a horse, she said she didn't but would let me know if she did. Well just the other day i saw her again and she had found some one who might be interested in him, but now i don't want to sell him!!!! Dad said if i'm not going to ride him then i have to sell him, maybe not have to, more should sell him. But see i really don't want to, i tried to explain why but i just couldn't, even though i haven't spent as much time as i should have in the last year with him, i've formed a strong bond with him, and i think he is starting to see me as a leader.

Now good news, Dad knows about me and QS, well not as much QS itself, but he knows that i am interested in natural horsemanship methods/principals.

Me and Banjo have come a long way in the last week, and i'm still jumping up and down. LOL.
Today we had a quick session, we done some yields, backing and leading in a circle by the nose (really really proud because 2 days ago he hated pressure on his nose!!), and lifting his front feet for me, he still needs all the phases there but he's getting the hang on it pretty quick.

I've tried to drive him forward with the stick, but he isn't noticing it or any movement.

And we are getting satellite, yay. NO MORE DIAL UP!!! I've still got to wait a month but it's happening. Maybe when i get it i'll make a website, and move my blog there.....

I better go and finish my homework (not the QS kind, boring Maths!) lol.

Night,
Lily.

Another Awesome Day!!

I really wanted to sneak in 10 minutes with Banjo this afternoon, but we were making so much progress i keep going for 30 minutes!!!

I got him to do phase 1 and 2 HQ and FQ yields, backing by the nose, leading by the nose, and even raising his front feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YAY YAY!!! I'M SOOOO HAPPY!!

Ummmm, i tried to drive him forward but not even an attempt in moving there....

Lily.